So I've met a few drunks in my time

I would like to create a list of all types of drunks. Drunks come in all different shapes and sizes. Some drunks are sloppy, some are emotional, some can be angry, and all of them are typically ridiculous

The Sorry But The Bar is Not a Place for Counseling Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is the type of drunk that ends up stealing a solid hour and forty seven minutes from your life because well "she was the one that got away." Believe me sir I do feel very sorry about whatever emotional state you are in but honestly three gins deep and jager bomb later their is nothing you or I can do about it right now. This drunk will typically stare deep into your eyes and confess more than he ever wanted to or should have. Typically sober this convo would have never happened but right now words are pouring out of this guys mouth like the lava flow of Pompeii And once you are stuck in this heart to heart, you may never get the groove to your night back.

The This is Going to Haunt You on Facebook Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before.This drunk is by far the most common. Typically a sloppy hot mess, this drunk at some point within the night, A. Fall on their face B. Roll on the floor with the inability to get up or C. End up in an awkward position that makes and excellent photo opportunity. Once humiliating themselves in front of a group it is their right of passage to have the moment document and published in the a.m. This will only make their hangover in the morning that much better. This drunk is more a victim than any other and due to the beautiful world wide web, everyone including her aunt in Juno Alaska will know that she should never drink double red bull vodkas EVER again.

The I Could Care Less If this Bar is Packed You Just Nudged Me DrunkYou know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This has got to be my most hated drunk. He typically comes with a prior complex and an addiction to the gym. Almost always male, his testosterone is constantly on the line. If you were to say accidentally scuff his brand new loafers , their would be hell to pay. Always ready for a cage match this drunk typically begins his argument with something as dumb as "hey you why the hell did you just bump me, Wanna Go?" No Drunkman I do not want to go outside and settle this "mono e mono" I was just trying to make my way through this crowded bar, but hey thanks for the offer Macho Man Randy Savage.

The You Should Most Likely Erase All Your Contact Before Drinking Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This drunk has a small infatuation with the dreaded drunk text. If he is an experienced drunk text messager the other party might never know his true state of mind, but majority of the time his drunken thumb will lead a message that resembles "heytg wherti did youh go" and If you don't respond , their is a strong chance he may rebuttal your silence with something as witty as "I'm drunkhg ansswer meik" . Sorry Dude late night booty text, not as good of an idea as you might think. If she left you at bar, doubt that text in Arabic asking her where she went will seal the deal for you tonight.

The I'm 3 Martinis Deep Lets Diss Our Heels and Dance Drunk You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is my absolute favorite drunk. Normally she's had a rough day and all she needs is to just let her hair down and "JUST DANCE" It truly does not matter what song you were to play around this drunk because from Outkast to Journey, "This song is my jam." In her mind, she is kind of a big deal on the dancefloor, but in reality homegirl is just a hot mess. Always a good time, this is a typically celebrated drunk. If not how would Bourbon Street still be open? Her only downfall, is her inability to get a good look prior to choosing a dance partner for her night.

A Year in Recap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19rC-Fl-KwM

the year 1992

It was a leap year
Jay Leno became the host of the tonight show only to rebecome the host of the tonight show.
John Gotti is convicted of 1st degree murder
Chris McCandles's of Into The Wild body is found in Alaska
White Men Can't Jump staring Wesley Snipes is released
and Whitney Houston soars the charts with this number one hit from the film "The Body Guard"

ANNNNND IIIIII IIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOU

Yo Lady Gaga I got a bone to pick with you and I ain't talkin about yo britches

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I have on trial here Riskay featuring Aciance and Real. The charges I bring forth are failure to maintain talent and impersonating a human being. My evidence, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC8GTmX2G5w . My deepest apologies for causing all of you to witness such a horrible sight but let's be frank here. When ....WHEN...did a song entitled Smell Yo Dick ever become a good idea. This has got to be the absolute worse idea in the history of mankind. I'm talking worse than giving Rodney Dangerfield an Album entitled "Rapping Rodney."(that is completely factual by the way) AND STILL I'd most likely listen to that over Smell Yo Dick. This song is the equivalent of a musical holocaust. I can't even begin to fathom the thought that some dumbass produced this and was ever under the impression that this is talent, or even music for that matter. What has happened to our generation. I fear my generation's oldies stations will be plagued with such crap as Nickleback Lady Gaga and all things Miley Cyrus . Now now. before you get bent out of shape about my Lady Gaga comment , let me explain. Yes I do know Lady Gaga's songs. Yes, they are catchy.And Yes, I do know how the song goes. But, don't think for one moment I would stretch my imagination as far as to say talented. It's just not. (Sorry Sarah.) Back to my point, Where is the true talent of my generation. Who is our Led Zeppelin? Does my generation have a parallel Mick Jagger? Or will we be faced to settle for Usher? Man does my generation need a Bob Dylan. Their is no political motivation and deep understanding behind popular music now. The only concept contemporary music can acquire is "Don’t stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I’mma fight ‘Til we see the sunlight Tick tock, on the clock But the party don’t stop no." Really people, this is what you send through your airwaves? Music today makes my entire generation sound like a hoard of ignorant, selfish, horny, and alcoholic preteens. Their is no greater meaning behind the lyrics, the song is as shallow as a puddle and the surface is a deep as it gets. Picture this, I'm 67 years old and I hop in my Crown Victoria, I lean over the steering wheel and turn the FM onto 98.3 "The Oldies." The first song that plays is BedRock by Youngmoney featuring Lloyd, "Call me Mr.Flintstone, I can make your bedrock" ....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaROUIS3Iq4.... I don't think so. I mean lets be honest all it takes now a days is a good synthesizer and you're fucking famous. This leads me to the questions, is Rock and Roll dead? If I had to answer that question, I'd say No. I still believe their are keepers of the faith, but it seems as though this fight between talent and new wave "shit" is not exactly equal. I leave you with some parting words from a musical prophet Robert Zimmerman (Bod Dylan)
"“May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young."
(Now that is God Damn lyric)


That was my rant and now I'm done.

So let me explain myself

So as you see, I tried this whole blog thing before and it got about at far as well Britney Spears acting career (you laughed at that, but I know you watched Crossroads don't even try lying to me)
When I first started my "blog" I thought I would make it sort of a way to write short stories and ideas and what not, but I think this go around I'm gonna try to make it a little more personal. Keep it with my day to day life blah blah blah blah
ANY WHO
So just wanted to let yall know I'm back AND I'm ready to do this bitch
HEYYYYOOOO

You don't know what ya got til it's gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i28UEoLXVFQ

Thanks Cinderella for that epic rock ballad. Maybe in 1988 you were really "cool" , but now in retrospect you honestly look like a bunch of cheap transvestites who decided to sing a victory song after robbing a guitar shop , in the middle of the desert? But I bring this point up to you did these poorly dressed hookers really have a point?I mean the saying originated far before these jabronies every put on a pair of spandex leggings, but it's pretty true. I find myself wondering how appreciative I really am of the things around me. It's only til they are poofed away from me that I can really judge the situation.

It 4 30 AM and I do not do mornings. At this hour my mind is on par with Al Bundy and my motor skills, Jaba The Hut. None the less my brother is leaving for an entire summer abroad and I'm left sitting in an airport lobby staring at a lukewarm cup of coffee. As I ponder over my caffeine intake and wonder what I'm going to do while my brother is away I start to think how I sometimes selfishly take people for granted. We do this everyday, not just with people though.

Think about it, how many times during the winter weather have we sat indoors and prayed for a bright sunny day. And finally when summer is here we bitch and moan about how hot it is. It's human nature I guess.

Now I'm not trying to get all preachy on you , thats Rev Run's Job (By the way he is right God is Love) But maybe it's time we start thanking the good baby Jesus for what we do have. I'm hopping the funk off that hate train and now I'm gonna start getting a lot more thankful.

Current Thankful List
1. My Family
2. Pink Floyd's The Wall
3. The Mcrib's return
4. Bud Light
5.Cowboy Boots > High Heels
6.My Good Health
7. All Things Family Guy
8.Jan's Closet
9. That I didn't show my ass at butt naked trivia tonight
10. The fact that none of my friends resemble the cast of Jersey Shore

My Thoughts on this Thing We Call Karaoke

Let me introduce you to the man above, he goes by Jeff. He is about mid forties, maybe married. I'm almost positive he spends too much time in online chat rooms and has an extensive armada of collectors edition G. I. Joe action figures (still in mint condition and in there case). Every Tuesday night , after he gets off from his lunch shift as a Denny's chef, I use the word chef lightly though. I mean come on now, what completely half baked college freshman couldn't make an omelet just as adequate as this guys. None the less, This man clocks out from his day to day mundane life and ventures down the street to some hole in the wall bar , I'm gonna go with the name Barefoot Bernie's and He become "Captain Karaoke" . Jeff no longer exist and he's placed under a spotlight. In his mind, Elton John and Him are on stage together. Elton's busy tickling the ivories while The Captain is on top of the piano singing about electric boots and a mohair suit. He literally is Benny and The Jets. The song finally ends and all seven locals in the bar give him a round of applause. The rest on his night is spent waiting to get back on that stage and become someone else once again.

This is why karaoke continues to reoccur, because it's damn sure not the talent. How many times have you heard some pack of drunk girls, most likely celebrating someone 23rd birthday, butcher some song like Goodbye Earl by the Dixie Chicks or The Power of Love by Celine Dion. Karaoke is not just the idea of people being able to have a good time and let go. For the avid karaoke goer, it is the escape. For those brief 4 minutes and 29 seconds the karaoke addict becomes Elton John and his omelet job is no longer existing. Better yet, If he does a good job on stage, the seven acquaintances in the bar, instantaneously become his best friends because I mean come on what doesn't bring people together like alcohol and the ability to sing along to Billy Joel's Piano Man. So what does karaoke do? Karaoke gives this shmuck the feeling of being free, being something he's not and This is where his alter ego begins. "Captain Karaoke" would never flip fry your bacon for you. Captain Karaoke always has the ability to woo the women with his velvet like voice and Captain Karaoke does not drive a hatchback 1994 Honda Civic. This is exactly why Karaoke can be dangerous. It can truly become a drug, and that feeling of being someone else, addictive.

Go with me on this one. What if Karaoke was recognized as an addiction. What if KA meetings we're held in the playroom of methodist churches across the country. Every meeting would begin with people like Jeff describing close incounters with audio equipment and his almost set back with a megaphone. I would just have to sit through one of those meetings, just once.

Karaoke is pretty much like any drug honestly. It gives the addict false feelings and for certain amount of time the ability to escape from it all. Is it as dangerous? Obviously not. Embarrassing though? You know it.

The beginning of something epic-ish

Hello fellow bloggers. Being that my future career is hopefully one in journalism, I figured I would hone in on my craft with one of these "blogs". What is a blog? who started it? and who the hell decided on the word blog? Come on now people, there has to be more epic words out there than "blog". I mean was inter global exchange of awesome already taken? We even could of called it IGEA. Say it with me people I-G-E-A , it's so choice compared to blog.You know what my father always says, If you can't beat them , they're probably a bunch of douche bags. I'm only being facetious.

So now here I am, joining the league of bloggers, most of my team mates probably live in there grandmother's basement and fantasize about Edward Cullens far far to often. None the less, I will bring a good name to team blog. I will become the poster child for antisocial tards across the downstair basement of America. I will fight for the rights of the awkward and unamusing. I will blog , damn it.

heres goes nothing