Respect My Authoritahhhhhhh

Dear Athens Clarke County Police Department why are you being such douche lords. As I begin my next school year it has become very apparent that the 706 police department is in full force. Today I actually read an article in the Red and Black that claimed 34 people were arrested this weekend for drug and alcohol related charges. That's almost doubled from the preceding weekend! We know these all took place in the 3 x 3 blocks that is DT. Now I know this is most likely due to the newly acquired "number one party school" status but if this is what it's like to be the top dawg, I'll pass. Of course it is necessary for officers to be patrolling downtown Athens (with all the drunk nonsense and what not) but it seems as though police officers new purpose is to protect and serve their bank account. And of course the main target is the college student who is willing to pay the fines to clear his or her's court record, so after college he or she can GET A JOB! Let's hope this was just a fluke weekend.

T-Y-B-Double E

As some of you may or may not know I am part of the elite choosen few who have been so lucky and become employed on Tybee. I currently clock in my nine to five on the 16th street of Tybee Beach(right next to the pier), where I rent umbrellas and chairs to ALL walks of life. I've met so many people working down there, some of which are incredible to know and I love my job, it's wonderful honestly but I'm going to have to be very honest, because google is not.

I decided for shits and gigs to just google search "Tybee" and this is one of the first images I stumbled upon





It's really a lovely site, this woman playing with seaguls...having a little fun in the sun, enchanting. It could even be a postcard. Lets get real I dont know where you sit on Tybee but this "enchanting phote" can not be found in a 3 street radius of Tybee Pier.

The Tybee I deal with every day is more like this...


It's almost like the Tybee pavilion is a blackhole of intelligence . The further you get from it, the greater your economical status and favoritism to sound moral choices become. I'm telling you I've seen some strange cats working on those streets. Majority of them are tourist but literally today at work I had some woman ask me if she was on Tybee Island or Tybee Beach? ....Come on. It's like someone called for a dipshit confrence at Tybee pavilion EVERYDAY. I watched a crowd of 30 plus people the other day gather around a horseshoe crab and call it a turtle for 40 minutes. and on top of uneducated tourist 87% of the people who sit in a 3 street radius of the Tybee pavilion either A. take steroids B. wear abercrombie and fitch C. have an absurd tatoo or D. reside in effingham county. I'm talkin some real meat heads. 16th street is very much guido central, but they're all redneck so it's a real strange thing. It's like snookie and larry the cable guy had a baby, and that baby was bubba sparxx. He would probably hang out on 16th street alot. I'm hoping MTV will make a Tybee Shore show really. and while I'm on my rant I'll have you know that almost weekly someone will ask me if there is a nude beach on tybee....my answer is always just "thank you god, no."

Now now I hope no one thinks I'm bashing Tybee. I take great pride in where I work honestly. I love tybee some of my favorite days and nights have been spent out there and I really do love my job but all I'm saying is Tybee is a unique place between your local Savannah people, your tourist, and your visiting effingham rednecks Tybee is an extremely eclectic little island.

Champagne.....Cham-pain.

Champagne, typically a drink for the sophisticated and refined upper crust of society. Not last night.

ps- It stings not only the eyes but the pride as well.

So I've met a few drunks in my time

I would like to create a list of all types of drunks. Drunks come in all different shapes and sizes. Some drunks are sloppy, some are emotional, some can be angry, and all of them are typically ridiculous

The Sorry But The Bar is Not a Place for Counseling Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is the type of drunk that ends up stealing a solid hour and forty seven minutes from your life because well "she was the one that got away." Believe me sir I do feel very sorry about whatever emotional state you are in but honestly three gins deep and jager bomb later their is nothing you or I can do about it right now. This drunk will typically stare deep into your eyes and confess more than he ever wanted to or should have. Typically sober this convo would have never happened but right now words are pouring out of this guys mouth like the lava flow of Pompeii And once you are stuck in this heart to heart, you may never get the groove to your night back.

The This is Going to Haunt You on Facebook Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before.This drunk is by far the most common. Typically a sloppy hot mess, this drunk at some point within the night, A. Fall on their face B. Roll on the floor with the inability to get up or C. End up in an awkward position that makes and excellent photo opportunity. Once humiliating themselves in front of a group it is their right of passage to have the moment document and published in the a.m. This will only make their hangover in the morning that much better. This drunk is more a victim than any other and due to the beautiful world wide web, everyone including her aunt in Juno Alaska will know that she should never drink double red bull vodkas EVER again.

The I Could Care Less If this Bar is Packed You Just Nudged Me DrunkYou know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This has got to be my most hated drunk. He typically comes with a prior complex and an addiction to the gym. Almost always male, his testosterone is constantly on the line. If you were to say accidentally scuff his brand new loafers , their would be hell to pay. Always ready for a cage match this drunk typically begins his argument with something as dumb as "hey you why the hell did you just bump me, Wanna Go?" No Drunkman I do not want to go outside and settle this "mono e mono" I was just trying to make my way through this crowded bar, but hey thanks for the offer Macho Man Randy Savage.

The You Should Most Likely Erase All Your Contact Before Drinking Drunk

You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This drunk has a small infatuation with the dreaded drunk text. If he is an experienced drunk text messager the other party might never know his true state of mind, but majority of the time his drunken thumb will lead a message that resembles "heytg wherti did youh go" and If you don't respond , their is a strong chance he may rebuttal your silence with something as witty as "I'm drunkhg ansswer meik" . Sorry Dude late night booty text, not as good of an idea as you might think. If she left you at bar, doubt that text in Arabic asking her where she went will seal the deal for you tonight.

The I'm 3 Martinis Deep Lets Diss Our Heels and Dance Drunk You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is my absolute favorite drunk. Normally she's had a rough day and all she needs is to just let her hair down and "JUST DANCE" It truly does not matter what song you were to play around this drunk because from Outkast to Journey, "This song is my jam." In her mind, she is kind of a big deal on the dancefloor, but in reality homegirl is just a hot mess. Always a good time, this is a typically celebrated drunk. If not how would Bourbon Street still be open? Her only downfall, is her inability to get a good look prior to choosing a dance partner for her night.

A Year in Recap

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19rC-Fl-KwM

the year 1992

It was a leap year
Jay Leno became the host of the tonight show only to rebecome the host of the tonight show.
John Gotti is convicted of 1st degree murder
Chris McCandles's of Into The Wild body is found in Alaska
White Men Can't Jump staring Wesley Snipes is released
and Whitney Houston soars the charts with this number one hit from the film "The Body Guard"

ANNNNND IIIIII IIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOU

Yo Lady Gaga I got a bone to pick with you and I ain't talkin about yo britches

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I have on trial here Riskay featuring Aciance and Real. The charges I bring forth are failure to maintain talent and impersonating a human being. My evidence, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC8GTmX2G5w . My deepest apologies for causing all of you to witness such a horrible sight but let's be frank here. When ....WHEN...did a song entitled Smell Yo Dick ever become a good idea. This has got to be the absolute worse idea in the history of mankind. I'm talking worse than giving Rodney Dangerfield an Album entitled "Rapping Rodney."(that is completely factual by the way) AND STILL I'd most likely listen to that over Smell Yo Dick. This song is the equivalent of a musical holocaust. I can't even begin to fathom the thought that some dumbass produced this and was ever under the impression that this is talent, or even music for that matter. What has happened to our generation. I fear my generation's oldies stations will be plagued with such crap as Nickleback Lady Gaga and all things Miley Cyrus . Now now. before you get bent out of shape about my Lady Gaga comment , let me explain. Yes I do know Lady Gaga's songs. Yes, they are catchy.And Yes, I do know how the song goes. But, don't think for one moment I would stretch my imagination as far as to say talented. It's just not. (Sorry Sarah.) Back to my point, Where is the true talent of my generation. Who is our Led Zeppelin? Does my generation have a parallel Mick Jagger? Or will we be faced to settle for Usher? Man does my generation need a Bob Dylan. Their is no political motivation and deep understanding behind popular music now. The only concept contemporary music can acquire is "Don’t stop, make it pop DJ, blow my speakers up Tonight, I’mma fight ‘Til we see the sunlight Tick tock, on the clock But the party don’t stop no." Really people, this is what you send through your airwaves? Music today makes my entire generation sound like a hoard of ignorant, selfish, horny, and alcoholic preteens. Their is no greater meaning behind the lyrics, the song is as shallow as a puddle and the surface is a deep as it gets. Picture this, I'm 67 years old and I hop in my Crown Victoria, I lean over the steering wheel and turn the FM onto 98.3 "The Oldies." The first song that plays is BedRock by Youngmoney featuring Lloyd, "Call me Mr.Flintstone, I can make your bedrock" ....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaROUIS3Iq4.... I don't think so. I mean lets be honest all it takes now a days is a good synthesizer and you're fucking famous. This leads me to the questions, is Rock and Roll dead? If I had to answer that question, I'd say No. I still believe their are keepers of the faith, but it seems as though this fight between talent and new wave "shit" is not exactly equal. I leave you with some parting words from a musical prophet Robert Zimmerman (Bod Dylan)
"“May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young."
(Now that is God Damn lyric)


That was my rant and now I'm done.

So let me explain myself

So as you see, I tried this whole blog thing before and it got about at far as well Britney Spears acting career (you laughed at that, but I know you watched Crossroads don't even try lying to me)
When I first started my "blog" I thought I would make it sort of a way to write short stories and ideas and what not, but I think this go around I'm gonna try to make it a little more personal. Keep it with my day to day life blah blah blah blah
ANY WHO
So just wanted to let yall know I'm back AND I'm ready to do this bitch
HEYYYYOOOO