The Sorry But The Bar is Not a Place for Counseling Drunk
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is the type of drunk that ends up stealing a solid hour and forty seven minutes from your life because well "she was the one that got away." Believe me sir I do feel very sorry about whatever emotional state you are in but honestly three gins deep and jager bomb later their is nothing you or I can do about it right now. This drunk will typically stare deep into your eyes and confess more than he ever wanted to or should have. Typically sober this convo would have never happened but right now words are pouring out of this guys mouth like the lava flow of Pompeii And once you are stuck in this heart to heart, you may never get the groove to your night back.The This is Going to Haunt You on Facebook Drunk
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before.This drunk is by far the most common. Typically a sloppy hot mess, this drunk at some point within the night, A. Fall on their face B. Roll on the floor with the inability to get up or C. End up in an awkward position that makes and excellent photo opportunity. Once humiliating themselves in front of a group it is their right of passage to have the moment document and published in the a.m. This will only make their hangover in the morning that much better. This drunk is more a victim than any other and due to the beautiful world wide web, everyone including her aunt in Juno Alaska will know that she should never drink double red bull vodkas EVER again.The I Could Care Less If this Bar is Packed You Just Nudged Me Drunk
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This has got to be my most hated drunk. He typically comes with a prior complex and an addiction to the gym. Almost always male, his testosterone is constantly on the line. If you were to say accidentally scuff his brand new loafers , their would be hell to pay. Always ready for a cage match this drunk typically begins his argument with something as dumb as "hey you why the hell did you just bump me, Wanna Go?" No Drunkman I do not want to go outside and settle this "mono e mono" I was just trying to make my way through this crowded bar, but hey thanks for the offer Macho Man Randy Savage.
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This has got to be my most hated drunk. He typically comes with a prior complex and an addiction to the gym. Almost always male, his testosterone is constantly on the line. If you were to say accidentally scuff his brand new loafers , their would be hell to pay. Always ready for a cage match this drunk typically begins his argument with something as dumb as "hey you why the hell did you just bump me, Wanna Go?" No Drunkman I do not want to go outside and settle this "mono e mono" I was just trying to make my way through this crowded bar, but hey thanks for the offer Macho Man Randy Savage.The You Should Most Likely Erase All Your Contact Before Drinking Drunk
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This drunk has a small infatuation with the dreaded drunk text. If he is an experienced drunk text messager the other party might never know his true state of mind, but majority of the time his drunken thumb will lead a message that resembles "heytg wherti did youh go" and If you don't respond , their is a strong chance he may rebuttal your silence with something as witty as "I'm drunkhg ansswer meik" . Sorry Dude late night booty text, not as good of an idea as you might think. If she left you at bar, doubt that text in Arabic asking her where she went will seal the deal for you tonight. The I'm 3 Martinis Deep Lets Diss Our Heels and Dance Drunk 
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is my absolute favorite drunk. Normally she's had a rough day and all she needs is to just let her hair down and "JUST DANCE" It truly does not matter what song you were to play around this drunk because from Outkast to Journey, "This song is my jam." In her mind, she is kind of a big deal on the dancefloor, but in reality homegirl is just a hot mess. Always a good time, this is a typically celebrated drunk. If not how would Bourbon Street still be open? Her only downfall, is her inability to get a good look prior to choosing a dance partner for her night.
You know this drunk, you may have even been this drunk before. This is my absolute favorite drunk. Normally she's had a rough day and all she needs is to just let her hair down and "JUST DANCE" It truly does not matter what song you were to play around this drunk because from Outkast to Journey, "This song is my jam." In her mind, she is kind of a big deal on the dancefloor, but in reality homegirl is just a hot mess. Always a good time, this is a typically celebrated drunk. If not how would Bourbon Street still be open? Her only downfall, is her inability to get a good look prior to choosing a dance partner for her night.
